Are Mormons allowed to use the internet?

It's been a solid week since I started on OK Cupid, and I have to say, I've learned a LOT. Not necessarily about myself, or about the gay community, but really about the online dating community.

Though I'm trying to be 100% on board with online dating, part of me makes a joke of it, even informally with my circle of friends (and formally, through this blog. But have no fear, the show must go on!) Part of me wants to legitimize online dating, so that when I raise my kids and they ask,  'Daddy, where did you meet DaddyTwo' (Sidebar: yes, my kids will call me Daddy and him DaddyTwo- that's a dealbreaker if he's not on board with this (Sidebar to the Sidebar: Is there any question why I'm single right now?)) I'd like to share with them a romantic, swept me off my feet story. I envision it to be raining, and I'm walking home from the gym, and he's walking home from the gym, and I forgot my umbrella, and he notices, and he offers a space under his big yellow umbrella, and we exchange names and realize that we are neighbors, and then from there, we have kids and live happily ever after. Ok, so maybe I stole some of those details from a popular CBS TV show (copyright laws won't let me post the name of the show here). But the truth is, there is a WHOLE TV DESIGNATED TO HOW SOMEONE MET SOMEONE ELSE'S MOTHER!

We all love "The story". We all want to share "The story". Hell, you came here specifically to read "The story". And at some point, one of these blog stories will be "The story". It will be a part of our wedding toast. But saying "I was scrolling through OK Cupid and stumbled on his profile" may not go over nicely with the second cousins and grandparents (Shout-Out to Grandma!) at the reception.

Additionally, OK Cupid gives you a percentage of "match", "friend" and "enemy" (Interesting choice of the word enemy, as it seems kind of... extreme). It bases these percentages off of the responses to your questions that you choose to answer. Question one might be "Are you a dog or cat person", and then WHAM Question two asks you "What is your sexual position", "Are you into S&M", or any variation of gay stereotypes that I can't type on this PG-13 Blog (Shout-Out to Grandma!) Which questions determine if I'm a match with you? And how much am I willing to answer out in the interwebs about what happens in my bedroom (well, what is supposed to happen in my bedroom. As a brief reminder, I am single. Hence, this blog)

Finally, a little known fact. In the one week that I've been on OK Cupid, I've had about 80 page views. Not bad. In two days with this blog, I had about 200 page views. Apparently, I need to change my OK Cupid photo to Clarinet Boy to ensure that I get more pageviews. It worked for you, right?

So is this online thing legit?  And what other venues am I trying, as I jump feet first into the dating community? I've met a total of three guys at a bar while living in Chicago (and they, I know, are avid readers- hey boys!) The purpose of this resolution was to get rid of Grindr and all other "Right here, right now" types of apps, and really find guys with substance. So I'll continue to explore this OK Cupid forum, but am always looking for other ways to put myself out there.  A great friend constantly tells me that he'll show up when I least expect him to. Which is why, in all honesty, this blog and experience exists. I am going into every date not expecting much. If he really does wow me, he probably won't even be made a Blog entry for a few weeks!

In boy news, I was stood-up tonight by a Mormon. Well, not a real Mormon, but he plays one on Broadway. I was looking forward to a coffee date, to compare it to my 'successful' bar date. I think as a general rule, if I'm stood up, I'll be cautious to continue conversation with him, unless he has a huge... (Shout-Out to Grandma) religious upbringing. But he's Mormon, so there's hope that he does. Or, he acts like a Mormon, so there's that.

Yum. Now that's a religion I can follow (note: that is not him!) (also note: googling "Gay Mormon" doesn't yield as many responses as one might expect)

Lesson learned? Our story is what we make of it. Perhaps the cutest version of our story will be that I blogged about him for weeks before we even realized that it was destiny. Perhaps in 22 years when I finally meet 'him', society will be 100% OK with OK Cupid. Perhaps he's reading this right now?

Joe Fox (RE: You've got Mail)

Clarinets are sexy!

So here I am... a regular Carrie Bradshaw. Eating Lucky Charms, typing on my iPad, and reminiscing on what it takes to join the dating community. (Carrie HAD to have eaten Lucky Charms at some point...)

The New Year brings New Resolutions. Anyone who has frequented the gym in the past 12 days can tell you that. My Resolution for the new year was to drop Grindr (RE: Grindr) and meet guys the old-fashioned way. (RE: OKCupid) Don't get me wrong, I love dating. I love having conversations with people to determine what future may exist. I love visualizing our future condo in the city, complete with a fancy wedding, cookie-cutter jobs, 2.5 baths and 2.5 kids. But getting to that point takes time. And patience. (And, in 41 states, a law legalizing Gay Marriage). Most importantly, it takes a lot of crappy experiences with a heck-of-a-lot-of-crazies, and many missed connections to make this possible.

Take "Jimmy", for example. Who I am kidding, his name really is James. He was my first OK Cupid meet-up. And it all happened so quickly...I've been on the app for 12 days now, with a decent profile and a random picture. I've had some blasé conversations with a few guys, but James came and went qui cker than prepaid Smart Phone at Walmart (Way to go, Georgia). With a brief message about "how cool it was that we were both musicians", he immediately shot me his phone number. Now, his picture was cute. He was holding a clarinet, and I'm always a sucker for cute guys holding clarinets. So, I took the bait. He clearly was a master baiter. Keep in mind, I'm already out in Boystown, meeting a friend for a cocktail, and am never opposed to staying out if the night allows me to. We text a few small talk conversations, and he convinces me (After a total of 20 minutes from time of first message) that he'll be at my favorite bar, and that if I should happen to be there, and if I should happen to see him, then perhaps I should say 'hi'. So I finished my martinis (liquid courage!) and headed out in the final hour of the evening. I walk in, and immediately spot this fella. The only difference is less hair, more weight, and no clarinet. Remember that picture that I posted about the cute guy holding a clarinet? While that may not be him, it ended up being aweeeeeeeeful close.

So, being the Klassy Lady that I am, I walk right past him, head to the bar, and order myself a beer. I figure, I'll just pretend like I never went to the bar, never saw him, and therefor wouldn't have to call him out on his blatent lie. Don't take me as pretentious. Don't take me as rude. Take me as a guy who thinks that if you present yourself as one way on a dating app, you should have at least a 51% resemblance to the picture.

Sure enough, my cover was foiled. My phone began BLOWING. UP. Interestingly, I learned a lot about myself during this experience (his thank you card is in the mail) His texts were... shall I say... very offensive. I was told, among many other things, that I have horrible legs, that I am fat, that I should evaporate, that I look like "AIDS" (which I took up with him, eventually), that his friends all think that I'm the ugliest guy at the bar, that I'm trashy for drinking a miller lite (Please, don't hate on me being budget-conscious while at the bar!). What's more impressive about his bashing was that it came in many different forms. Text messages, with an OK Cupid message immedietly following, a phone call message, a phone call from another phone number. He really had a full army of offenses on his side. So what lesson did I learn about myself? I ignored every single text, phone call, OK Cupid Message. I refused to fuel his desire to get under my skin. I refused to let him that that he was winning in a situation by behaving like that, with a guy whom he never actually met but only chatted with for a total of 20 minutes via text. I ignored every comment. Except one.  I reminded him that using any form of "AIDS" as derogatory was hugely ignorant, and that that comment wouldn't fly with ANY members of the LGBT Community. I couldn't sit idly by with that type of comment.

30 minutes later, I was freed from his abuse. I think he just realized it was ineffective.

So my first OK Cupid Meet-up went just as anticipated, actually. Crazy. Part of me wants to avoid any future interactions from OK Cupid. But if I did, then I wouldn't have any material for this blog. No one wants to read about me doing puzzles on a Saturday night.  So, to spice this up, I've decided to not only put myself out there with dates, but also update you, my loyal followers, with my many failings through my dry spell.

I'm maintaining anonymity through this blog (had to google that word... very hard to spell *and say) so as to not scare off too many future dates, yet will still publicize this via my many social media outlets. If you notice a lull in me writing, be sure to set me up with your single (crazy) guy that lives in your building, teacher that works at your school, or homeless man that positions himself at your Starbucks. That'll surely generate some buzz to keep your appetite saturated until my next failed attempt at 2.5 baths and 2.5 kids. (clearly, I'm Captain Hook in the family picture) (Hey, if he was allowed to use an outdated photo, I'm allowed to use a Halloween Picture of NPH)

Lesson learned. Post pictures that are clearly, and obviously, so far removed from reality, and we'll click immediately



Joe Fox (RE: You've got Mail)