Here's the Male, it never fails...

I'll start by saying I had the most incredible date last night. It was literally the best date that I've had in months. I'll get to the details at the end, but of course, I have other things to cover before the juicy date details.

Is there any question...

This week I was able to connect with an old friend from college. It was great to reminisce, share old stories. It was also great to be reminded that one time, while spending time in London, I tried talking to the pigeons. And a picture exists. So in case, after several blog posts and countless hours of questioning "Why is Joe Fox still single?", I present Reason #489. This photo.

Everyone who has ever been in the single-bar-scene knows the scariness of "the approach". You are standing there, you see him from across the bar, you think he's adorable in his purple shirt, glasses and incredible smile. But aside from the superficial, you know nothing else about him. Is that guy next to him his boyfriend? Is he just visiting? Does he have any interest in you? If I approach him, what will happen....

I have a problem with "the approach". There isn't enough liquid courage or wing-man-coverage that can help me approach this hottie from across the bar. That's half the appeal of online-dating. You don't have to deal with the rejection, you don't have to question his interest (or, in some cases, his sexuality), and you don't have to create some 'line' to get his attention (A personal favorite of mine: Were you a nursing major? Because you've been nursing your drink for 15 minutes, and I've been waiting to buy you a drink, but it's damn near impossible with all of that nursing you've been doing) (subtle, I know).

Helllllllllllo nurse!

The first step in the approach is analyzing the situation. There could be a variety of situations, but each one needs its own unique approach. Is it 3am at Berlin? The approach is easy. Just have a pulse. Is it 9pm at SideTrack? The approach becomes more complicated. The good news and bad news about SideTrack is that SideTrack allows you to have conversation (GASP) with someone. An actual, audible, conversation. So in analyzing the situation, know that it's so much more than your cute shirt and smile. Is is Sunday night at Roscoes? The approach is called Male Call.

Male Call is a gay phenomenon. You have to see it to believe it, but every Sunday night, gays in Chicago flock to Roscoes and throw a number on their shirt. You cruise the bar, check out other guys 'numbers' (Shout out to Grandma!), and then write a message to a specific number. "Number 38, you are lookin great. Love, Number 140." A drag queen then takes your note, posts it to a board at the front of the bar, and voila. Love at first sight. This method of dating combines the online with the actual. It allows you to have multiple "Clarinet Boy" experiences without actually having to have a conversation with them if you don't want to.  It allows you to remain anonymous while still being able to put yourself out there. Tonight, I head to Male Call. Tonight, I participate in the weekly mating ritual of Male Call, all for the sake of my loyal readers.

"The approach" has many layers, and I'll work to cover all of the intricate levels in the coming weeks, as I struggle with the approach myself.

I was thinking about you all night, too.

So about that date. This juicy, amazing, incredible, date. I was celebrating a good friend's birthday last night, and we had tapas. And me, being the lush that I am, ordered #67, The Bacon Wrapped Dates. They were SO good. For a taste of my date last night, I provide this very-PG-video showing you how you, too, can have an awesome date every Saturday night. (And a special thanks for MySpace for providing that video. Myspace: Keeping Justin Timberlake in business while he attempts to start a music career again)

Lesson learned: Don't get too excited about the dates, because you might get burned in the end. Especially if they are right out of the oven, they are a little too hot to handle. But hey, #67 (Bacon wrapped Date), you had me thinking about you all night.

Love,

Joe Fox

Blind, But Not-So-Blind, Dating

I can't quite decide yet. Either my loyal readers (Shout-out to Grandma!) a) were craving some funny material, b) really want to see me meet someone, or c) really want to see me murdered. In a 24 hour window, I received multiple requests to check out OK Cupids newest launch: Crazy Blind Date. I've alluded to this before, and I'll do it again, if you preface the term "Blind Date" with the word "Crazy"...who knows what kind of crazies you'll encounter. I'll get to the 'blind date' portion of the date in a minute (scroll down a few paragraphs if that's all you care to read, but trust me, this next part is kinda funny, too)

Let's talk about date preparation, first. The date started at 7:30pm, so prior to the date, I ensured that I had friends that were going to check in with me during the 8:00 hour to make sure I was still alive. I have to give public thanks here to my good friend, who I reached out to, to text me at 8:00pm to make sure I was still alive. At 8:17, he texted me. As anyone who has watched a Lifetime movie knows, ANYTHING COULD HAVE HAPPENED IN THOSE 17 LOST MINUTES! Thanks, friend. I'll remember that. Next time your house is on fire, I'll wait 17 minutes to call the fire department. We'll see who has the last laugh.

Also prior to the date, I had a few minutes to get ready. I'm not sure about everyone else that reads this, but I have a few go-to-outfits for a first date. And given that it is winter in Chicago, I have a limited number of cute-first-date-sweaters-with-cute-button-down-shirts-underneath-options. These go-to-outfits are perfect because I feel that the color compliments my eyes nicely and I feel they look great on me (what doesn't...) (plus, you should see me out of them). You have to be careful in the dating world in Chicago so as not to re-use an outfit too soon after the first encounter. You have to keep tabs on what outfit you wore for what first date. (The same goes for underwear, but I feel that is an entire blog entry in itself)

My wind-blown hair. Sexy.

The issue came in not with the outfit, but with the transportation. I am a Chicagoan now. I bike to the train, I bike to the gym, I bike to dinner. I hate spending $2.25 on a bus when my body is fully capable of getting there via a Schwinn. I had forgotten, in my preparation for this date, that not only was I going to bike there (3 miles), but I was going to be in a cute sweater. And that I have a massive sweating problem (I'll chalk that up to "Reason I'm Single #488) The plus side is that my hair has this sexy 'wind blown' look. The other plus side is that sweaters don't show sweaty pits. (TMI? I told you to scroll down if you just wanted to read about the blind date portion...) Luckily, I arrived with time to spare to put my outfit back together in the bathroom of Starbucks.

Note This is not me

Here we are. The actual blind date portion. To be honest, this date wasn't actually blind. I'll explain the app first, and then I'll explain why it wasn't "blind". "Crazy Blind Date" takes your "OK Cupid" main photo, jumbles up the image, and provides only the most basic stats (age, gender identity, sexual orientation) (Don't I get mad props for being politically correct here?!) So all I knew about this guy was that he is 33, male, and gay. I also know that his ideal date would be at Starbucks at 7:30 on Wednesday. My ideal date, for your reference, (and in case you want to sweep me off my feet) is at a martini bar. Obviously that says a lot about me. There are several guys that show up, with pixelated jumbled photos, and with their ideal date, and you choose which one sounds appealing, and then the app contacts the guy and says, hey, this jumbled guy is interested in your date proposition. Whaddya say? If he accepts, then the app notifies you. The tricky part is that you can't communicate with the gay until an hour before your date. GASP. You can't learn anything about them, you can't stalk, you can't even see other pictures. Unless, of course, he finds you on "OK Cupid" with the same photo and messages you.

FOILED. He found me on "OK Cupid". He recognized my bowtie (yes, Klassy Lady has a bowtie picture for his OK Cupid) He stalked my writing, my photos, my everything (I wonder if he reads my blog??) So it wasn't so blind, afterall. We messaged back and forth via OK Cupid and decided that though we saw some basic stuff about eachother, we'd still go through with it. And I'm happy we did.

"Meyer", as I will call him, looked exactly like his picture (expect, of course, he was not pixalated or jumbled). In hindsight, perhaps I should be mad at him for not looking like his picture...

He has a huge smile, cute eyes, and an adorable personality. Truthfully, there isn't much to blog about regarding him, because we had a great conversation. We talked about OK Cupid, and me being new to it, and our decision to try out to Crazy Blind Date portion. It made sense. Guys on OK Cupid are allowed to linger. You're allowed to have small talk for a long time, you're allowed to get by with a quick 'hello' to show that you're still interested. At least with this blind date portion, you're forced to jump out of your comfort zone immediately. And it could either go really well, given the right personality, or really horribly. Meyer was very comfortable immediately, and that helped. He was my first meet-up of the new year (not counting Clarinet Boy) and it helped that it was a quicker, more forced, but not-picture-based meeting.

Meyer and I talked movies, we talked Jody Foster, we talked jobs, we talked vacations. We're going back out on Friday night, after an awkward exchange of phone number, because all-in-all, it was a really cool experience. I'm happy that I felt pushed in this direction, because it really moved me out of my comfort zone. 

Lesson learned: Maybe you don't NEED to look like your picture? Or maybe we all need to break out of our comfort zone once in a while and try something new. Kylie Minogue's newest hit reminded me, in the first few lines, "What's the worse thing, that could happen to you? Take a chance tonight and try something new". In retrospect, the worst thing is that my story would be the next featured Lifetime Movie (I hope they'd include my awesome blog in the movie)

Next post (Spoiler Alert): Male Call. A cruising experience like none-other on Sunday nights at Roscoes.

Joe Fox (Re: You've Got Mail)

Are Mormons allowed to use the internet?

It's been a solid week since I started on OK Cupid, and I have to say, I've learned a LOT. Not necessarily about myself, or about the gay community, but really about the online dating community.

Though I'm trying to be 100% on board with online dating, part of me makes a joke of it, even informally with my circle of friends (and formally, through this blog. But have no fear, the show must go on!) Part of me wants to legitimize online dating, so that when I raise my kids and they ask,  'Daddy, where did you meet DaddyTwo' (Sidebar: yes, my kids will call me Daddy and him DaddyTwo- that's a dealbreaker if he's not on board with this (Sidebar to the Sidebar: Is there any question why I'm single right now?)) I'd like to share with them a romantic, swept me off my feet story. I envision it to be raining, and I'm walking home from the gym, and he's walking home from the gym, and I forgot my umbrella, and he notices, and he offers a space under his big yellow umbrella, and we exchange names and realize that we are neighbors, and then from there, we have kids and live happily ever after. Ok, so maybe I stole some of those details from a popular CBS TV show (copyright laws won't let me post the name of the show here). But the truth is, there is a WHOLE TV DESIGNATED TO HOW SOMEONE MET SOMEONE ELSE'S MOTHER!

We all love "The story". We all want to share "The story". Hell, you came here specifically to read "The story". And at some point, one of these blog stories will be "The story". It will be a part of our wedding toast. But saying "I was scrolling through OK Cupid and stumbled on his profile" may not go over nicely with the second cousins and grandparents (Shout-Out to Grandma!) at the reception.

Additionally, OK Cupid gives you a percentage of "match", "friend" and "enemy" (Interesting choice of the word enemy, as it seems kind of... extreme). It bases these percentages off of the responses to your questions that you choose to answer. Question one might be "Are you a dog or cat person", and then WHAM Question two asks you "What is your sexual position", "Are you into S&M", or any variation of gay stereotypes that I can't type on this PG-13 Blog (Shout-Out to Grandma!) Which questions determine if I'm a match with you? And how much am I willing to answer out in the interwebs about what happens in my bedroom (well, what is supposed to happen in my bedroom. As a brief reminder, I am single. Hence, this blog)

Finally, a little known fact. In the one week that I've been on OK Cupid, I've had about 80 page views. Not bad. In two days with this blog, I had about 200 page views. Apparently, I need to change my OK Cupid photo to Clarinet Boy to ensure that I get more pageviews. It worked for you, right?

So is this online thing legit?  And what other venues am I trying, as I jump feet first into the dating community? I've met a total of three guys at a bar while living in Chicago (and they, I know, are avid readers- hey boys!) The purpose of this resolution was to get rid of Grindr and all other "Right here, right now" types of apps, and really find guys with substance. So I'll continue to explore this OK Cupid forum, but am always looking for other ways to put myself out there.  A great friend constantly tells me that he'll show up when I least expect him to. Which is why, in all honesty, this blog and experience exists. I am going into every date not expecting much. If he really does wow me, he probably won't even be made a Blog entry for a few weeks!

In boy news, I was stood-up tonight by a Mormon. Well, not a real Mormon, but he plays one on Broadway. I was looking forward to a coffee date, to compare it to my 'successful' bar date. I think as a general rule, if I'm stood up, I'll be cautious to continue conversation with him, unless he has a huge... (Shout-Out to Grandma) religious upbringing. But he's Mormon, so there's hope that he does. Or, he acts like a Mormon, so there's that.

Yum. Now that's a religion I can follow (note: that is not him!) (also note: googling "Gay Mormon" doesn't yield as many responses as one might expect)

Lesson learned? Our story is what we make of it. Perhaps the cutest version of our story will be that I blogged about him for weeks before we even realized that it was destiny. Perhaps in 22 years when I finally meet 'him', society will be 100% OK with OK Cupid. Perhaps he's reading this right now?

Joe Fox (RE: You've got Mail)

Clarinets are sexy!

So here I am... a regular Carrie Bradshaw. Eating Lucky Charms, typing on my iPad, and reminiscing on what it takes to join the dating community. (Carrie HAD to have eaten Lucky Charms at some point...)

The New Year brings New Resolutions. Anyone who has frequented the gym in the past 12 days can tell you that. My Resolution for the new year was to drop Grindr (RE: Grindr) and meet guys the old-fashioned way. (RE: OKCupid) Don't get me wrong, I love dating. I love having conversations with people to determine what future may exist. I love visualizing our future condo in the city, complete with a fancy wedding, cookie-cutter jobs, 2.5 baths and 2.5 kids. But getting to that point takes time. And patience. (And, in 41 states, a law legalizing Gay Marriage). Most importantly, it takes a lot of crappy experiences with a heck-of-a-lot-of-crazies, and many missed connections to make this possible.

Take "Jimmy", for example. Who I am kidding, his name really is James. He was my first OK Cupid meet-up. And it all happened so quickly...I've been on the app for 12 days now, with a decent profile and a random picture. I've had some blasé conversations with a few guys, but James came and went qui cker than prepaid Smart Phone at Walmart (Way to go, Georgia). With a brief message about "how cool it was that we were both musicians", he immediately shot me his phone number. Now, his picture was cute. He was holding a clarinet, and I'm always a sucker for cute guys holding clarinets. So, I took the bait. He clearly was a master baiter. Keep in mind, I'm already out in Boystown, meeting a friend for a cocktail, and am never opposed to staying out if the night allows me to. We text a few small talk conversations, and he convinces me (After a total of 20 minutes from time of first message) that he'll be at my favorite bar, and that if I should happen to be there, and if I should happen to see him, then perhaps I should say 'hi'. So I finished my martinis (liquid courage!) and headed out in the final hour of the evening. I walk in, and immediately spot this fella. The only difference is less hair, more weight, and no clarinet. Remember that picture that I posted about the cute guy holding a clarinet? While that may not be him, it ended up being aweeeeeeeeful close.

So, being the Klassy Lady that I am, I walk right past him, head to the bar, and order myself a beer. I figure, I'll just pretend like I never went to the bar, never saw him, and therefor wouldn't have to call him out on his blatent lie. Don't take me as pretentious. Don't take me as rude. Take me as a guy who thinks that if you present yourself as one way on a dating app, you should have at least a 51% resemblance to the picture.

Sure enough, my cover was foiled. My phone began BLOWING. UP. Interestingly, I learned a lot about myself during this experience (his thank you card is in the mail) His texts were... shall I say... very offensive. I was told, among many other things, that I have horrible legs, that I am fat, that I should evaporate, that I look like "AIDS" (which I took up with him, eventually), that his friends all think that I'm the ugliest guy at the bar, that I'm trashy for drinking a miller lite (Please, don't hate on me being budget-conscious while at the bar!). What's more impressive about his bashing was that it came in many different forms. Text messages, with an OK Cupid message immedietly following, a phone call message, a phone call from another phone number. He really had a full army of offenses on his side. So what lesson did I learn about myself? I ignored every single text, phone call, OK Cupid Message. I refused to fuel his desire to get under my skin. I refused to let him that that he was winning in a situation by behaving like that, with a guy whom he never actually met but only chatted with for a total of 20 minutes via text. I ignored every comment. Except one.  I reminded him that using any form of "AIDS" as derogatory was hugely ignorant, and that that comment wouldn't fly with ANY members of the LGBT Community. I couldn't sit idly by with that type of comment.

30 minutes later, I was freed from his abuse. I think he just realized it was ineffective.

So my first OK Cupid Meet-up went just as anticipated, actually. Crazy. Part of me wants to avoid any future interactions from OK Cupid. But if I did, then I wouldn't have any material for this blog. No one wants to read about me doing puzzles on a Saturday night.  So, to spice this up, I've decided to not only put myself out there with dates, but also update you, my loyal followers, with my many failings through my dry spell.

I'm maintaining anonymity through this blog (had to google that word... very hard to spell *and say) so as to not scare off too many future dates, yet will still publicize this via my many social media outlets. If you notice a lull in me writing, be sure to set me up with your single (crazy) guy that lives in your building, teacher that works at your school, or homeless man that positions himself at your Starbucks. That'll surely generate some buzz to keep your appetite saturated until my next failed attempt at 2.5 baths and 2.5 kids. (clearly, I'm Captain Hook in the family picture) (Hey, if he was allowed to use an outdated photo, I'm allowed to use a Halloween Picture of NPH)

Lesson learned. Post pictures that are clearly, and obviously, so far removed from reality, and we'll click immediately



Joe Fox (RE: You've got Mail)