Subway, Stood up, and Sobriety

First, as a disclaimer, I'm three martinis in. And annoyed. So read on if you'd like (but note that I'm funnier this way anyway!)

Dear Subway. Thanks for reminding me that the month 'February" is hard enough to say, and now we need to say "FebruANY". I can barely say the first one.  And while we are on this month, let me remind you that it's literally THE WORST MONTH EVER. I mean, first off, you only have 28 days. Grow a pair. Literally.

Second off, you celebrate love. Over, and over, and over again. I swear, I saw 88 pictures of flowers on Facebook. I read 55 status updates about how much in love you all were. I also had the distinct pleasure, as an Illinoisian, to be reminded that soon enough, we can get married if Marriage Equality passes in the House. Grandma always gets a shout-out, and Grandma wants me to get married soon! (So, call your congressmen, so my grandma can live a happy ending!)

FebruANY also reminded me that I'm in a dry spell. It's been a month since a blog post because it's been a month since a real date (and, mind you, not a real month. A FebruANY month. They hardly count).This dry spell has been brought to you by CertainDri. CertainDri: No fun, so therefor, no need to sweat.

But seriously, it's been more of a month of redefining myself. Updating my OKCupid. I realized, this month, that my OKCupid comes off a bit too...Joe. And noone wants that (if they did, I wouldn't be writing this blog.) So I modified the OKCupid to be more... Joe3.0.  Don't worry. He's as handsome as Joe. Just with less sass and attitude in the "About me" section.

I'd stay home on a Fri night for Bartlett...

This Dry Spell hasn't been completely my fault. Several guys have been **cough cough sick**. Gays are flightly. (but don't worry, I do it too!) They are all talk, and when it comes to meeting out, they are sick. I've been cancelled this month by 3 different guys. Three. Because of them, I've been able to watch 6 additional episodes of West Wing. I don't know if I should thank them, or hate them.

"Too big to fit in here..."

And what do you do after you're stood up? Give them a second chance? Hope they will text back? re-visit their OKCupid page, text them all night, and creepily stalk them (see Blog Post #1, RE Clarinet Boy).  We are all guilty of doing it, but at what point do we stop?  This week I was reminded of my favorite movie, "The Sweetest Thing". While the movie is silly, there are poignant themes, and one actually stood out above the rest. Allow me to paraphrase: "Don't look for Mr. Right. Look for Mr. Right Now. And after a while, if all goes well, you'll drop the 'now'". We stop when we think we found the Mr. Right amongst the Right Nows. I actually had one guy on OKCupid send me a message saying he really enjoyed our conversation, but he has starting dating someone else. I admired his tenacity to tell me that, amongst a group of "right nows".  So my quest for Mr. Right actually DOES include a Mr. Right Now. It includes a Grindr, or an OKCupid, or a Missed Connection on a train, or someone I meet at Scarlet, or someone who was my server at brunch. These are all OK circumstances, but know that I'm looking to drop the "now" at some point. The story is cuter that way, too.

So tonight I went on a date with a "Mr Right Now". The only issue was the inebriation. At 7pm. For dinner. We actually met at brunch last week, and he's adorable. But drank ALL DAY today. If we can't have a cohesive conversation on date one, I'm not sure my mother and father would appreciate your company. And if you can't be sober on a Wednesday in FebruANY, I fear a Friday night date in MarchANY. (We're just supposed to add "ANY" to the name of the month, right??)

Granted, a little liquid courage is all we all need. I've done it before, too. But know your audience before you show up drunk on a first date with a Klassy Lady like me. Unfortunately, there will be no second date with Mr. Designated Driver.

Is it so hard to find a sober, substantial, sincere, sexy, sensitive guy in your mid-twenties? Is it so hard to say "February" without Subway messing us up even more? Is it so hard to follow-through with a date if you are in fact interested in someone?

Lesson learned? Maybe Mr. Right Now is the way to go. And maybe apps, websites, and otherwise promoting of finding Mr. Right Now isn't so off. This doesn't mean to get slutty. It just means to put yourself out there. Essentially, that's what I'm doing. I'm out there. Now come find me (and be sober on the first date!)

Joe Fox (RE: You've got Mail)